Med-el cochlear implant

I went to my audiologist as I needed a few papers to copy yesterday. When I came I saw this implant from med-el on the table. I took it into my hands. It's one that he shows to people who want to get an implant or who are thinking whether to get one or not. It felt so weird but awesome at the same time. I have a similar in my head though not from Med-El but a Nucleus. The electrode here in this picture was so flexible! WOW! I asked my audiologist if I may take a picture. He said yes :-)


Hm, I begin to ponder... this could be my second CI one day... if .. IF.. that is the question.. if I'll decide to get another one? Though there's no big hope for my other ossified ear. Hm... why? Because I never head out of my right ear. I never trained my hearing nerves to the sounds? How could I, when this ear is ossified?? A lot more than my left one. 


So will an implant help me to hear, I will never know unless I give it a try... It's so frustrating that I don't have a lot of encouragement from some people. I understand. No one guarantee me that I will hear with this electrode. The worst outcome could be total failure, no hearing at all with the implant. The best outcome would be that I hear a little bit, something... so .. do I want to risk another surgery just for this bit of success? For something? Damn it !!! YES I DO WANT! 


So yes one day I will risk it so that I can have a peaceful mind as it doesn't give me rest... this uncertainty ... and the longer I wait the more I long for an answer... but please don't push me.. you may tell me your opinion but I'll let you know when this will happen one day. Until then I still may rant about it... how much I'd like to have an answer...


Thanks for reading!
Will write soon!


Your bionic PoetryGirl

Sandra