Monday, May 30, 2011

I'll be back soon


I was silent for such a long time... I have lost my track although I haven't even started properly ...

Pls give me some time, I'll write soon some updates....

I see many of my Austrian friends keep checking out this blog every now and then. That's really good to see. Thanks! :)

I'll be back soon!!!



Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Introduction (part 2)

I suppose you have already read the introduction, if not you may go back to the "introduction part 1" post and read it again. If you've done it, then you're right here ;)

I'd like to continue where I stopped writing ..

Introduction part 2

I think it might take a while until you get the whole picture of myself and my background history about my ear, that's why I'll start to build up this post here.

So in 2008 I had my acute hearing loss and when the situation seemed to improve after adjusting my hearing aid to the new hearing curve, the issue has resolved to me. I didn't want a cochlear implant at that time. I thought, with my hearing aid I can still hear and for as long as I still have some remaining hearing left, I think I should use it! 

Here's a video that I posted when I had my 2nd hearing loss:

The first few months were tough as I had to adjust to it. I felt as if ear drums hurt a bit, because the volume as increased to compensate the loss of 100db... so you can imagine,... after increasing the volume to almost 100db, it wasn't comfortable, but somehow my ear got used to it... and to my surprise the hearing curve stayed that way for two years, without changing much. I thought it would get worse because I am getting more volume into my ear (eardrum) that I thought this wouldn't be healthy. However, it didn't make any difference, the only positive one was that I could hear again.

So I tried it this way for two years. I managed to get along this way. I finally managed to believe that I don't need a cochlear implant at all... I believed it all until I had another hearing loss in February 2010. I stayed at hospital for about 6 days at that time but nothing changed. Even my acoustician couldn't help me anymore, when she tried to adjust my hearing aid to this second hearing loss... 

After fixing my hearing aid, I still couldn't hear well. I felt as if something was wrong with my hearing aid. That was the point when I really had to deal again with this issue "Cochlear implant, yes or no"??!!

In April 2010, I visited my doctor at hospital and had a talk with him about a possible surgery and what he would do and discussed it all in detail. They made pre-tests and all looked good on my side to be implanted as nothing has changed and my hearing remained useless.

During that time, I tried to keep myself busy, used this experience to fuel my inspiration and I wrote like crazy for the past few months. I wrote poetry that dealt with that situation, the insecurity about the surgery, the fear (will all turn out okay, will I hear again, how will it sound) and so on. I literally drove myself crazy but that was one of the best times I've ever had. Don't get me wrong :) I didn't like that I had that hearing loss but I wrote some heartbreaking poetry that I surely don't want to miss. I didn't even know what I'd write in the following months to come... I had the urge to write it all down, my experience, I kept a diary and wrote intensely about it, I wrote poetry whenever inspiration stroke me - This time I'll definitely not forget. I hope that through the poetry I'll be able to share a bit of my world, my experience and give people the feeling that you're not alone with this. I went through that. I know what it's like to be scared, to doubt technology, to doubt myself if my brain can adjust to it and so on. I cannot guarantee that the implant will work for anyone the same way does for me, in terms of "making it a success with hearing". Everyone of us is different and so is our background history about hearing.

I could always hear on my left ear, so I had the memory of hearing, the sounds and how things should sound, so maybe that influenced it all and I love languages and rhymes. It don't know if this is why I do so well with my implant but I only speak from my own personal experience. So that's why you have to make yourself the choice because if (if... ) it should not turn out the way you expected it or if it should take much longer for you to hear, there's no one else except you to blame because you actually signed the paper. That's why they want you to be sure. That's why you should wait until you can't benefit from your   own hearing.. only then when you can't anymore then it's the right time to get the implant, or think about and make the decision that you think is the best for you - to hear or not to. Both decisions are good, as long as you feel comfortable with it. I personally prefer to hear as I don't want to miss the sounds but there are also moments when I'm quite lucky that I have the advantage over hearing people, that I can simply turn off my speech processor in crowded places and can still enjoy the silence if e.g. I have to write something. :) or if I want to sleep with an open window in summer :)

I think I'll stop here although it's really interesting now but you need time for a break to digest all the information you just read :)

More will come soon!
Your bionic PoetryGirl


Sunday, May 1, 2011

Introduction (part 1)

A little introduction to this new blog. If you have found this blog by coincident or if I have told you, either way, I'd like to thank you for coming to this site. Spare me a few minutes so I can briefly tell you what this is all about.

This is my Sandra (or PoetryGirl) from Facebook/CCOR or mytruestory85 from YouTube.

I've decided to create a new blog. You can still find my old blogging account under "inspirational-guide" but I wanted to create a new one where I'll share things about my ear, my journey towards hearing and the poetry that I'm writing.

I came a long way from where I am now, so I don't really know exactly where to begin but I'll give you a brief summary.

I've been born with two "hearing" ears but due to an infection as a baby, (to which one I don't know exactly, either due to meningitis or middle ear inflammation) it left my both ears ossified. My right one is a lot more than my left one. That is also why I don't hear anything at all on my right ear. On my left ear, I do hear or have heard pretty well, all until 2008. (I'll come to it in a few mins).

In the past I had a couple of hearing fluctuations and I got my very first hearing aid when I was about 16 or 17 years old. I got it on my left ear.

It helped me a bit with listening exercises but there were still times when it was difficult for me to understand, either because I was thinking too much about the word that I have heard (was it "car" or "far")  or I didn't understand it at all. To make it short, it was tough here and there but I managed to get along pretty well with my hearing aid.

In February 2008, I had my first significant acute hearing loss. My hearing cure dropped to 100 db. I still still about my left ear as on my right I've never heard.

So I hope you can follow. Anyway, to come back... I have stayed at hospital for a week. It didn't really help me. They gave me infusion to make my hearing recover but nothing changed. I couldn't hear and I didn't even know that I could still use my hearing aid, the one I had at that time.

I figured it out later, when I went to my acoustician and he increased the volume of my hearing aid. When the volume was increased I could hear again - all of a sudden. So from this point on it was clear to me that I don't want to consider a cochlear implant surgery because I could hear again so I have closed that chapter. It's not the right time.

To be continued... (I'll write more later) let this be the intro (1part) and I'll go back later. :)

Thanks for reading (stay in touch) there's more ;)


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