Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Introduction (part 2)

I suppose you have already read the introduction, if not you may go back to the "introduction part 1" post and read it again. If you've done it, then you're right here ;)

I'd like to continue where I stopped writing ..

Introduction part 2

I think it might take a while until you get the whole picture of myself and my background history about my ear, that's why I'll start to build up this post here.

So in 2008 I had my acute hearing loss and when the situation seemed to improve after adjusting my hearing aid to the new hearing curve, the issue has resolved to me. I didn't want a cochlear implant at that time. I thought, with my hearing aid I can still hear and for as long as I still have some remaining hearing left, I think I should use it! 

Here's a video that I posted when I had my 2nd hearing loss:

The first few months were tough as I had to adjust to it. I felt as if ear drums hurt a bit, because the volume as increased to compensate the loss of 100db... so you can imagine,... after increasing the volume to almost 100db, it wasn't comfortable, but somehow my ear got used to it... and to my surprise the hearing curve stayed that way for two years, without changing much. I thought it would get worse because I am getting more volume into my ear (eardrum) that I thought this wouldn't be healthy. However, it didn't make any difference, the only positive one was that I could hear again.

So I tried it this way for two years. I managed to get along this way. I finally managed to believe that I don't need a cochlear implant at all... I believed it all until I had another hearing loss in February 2010. I stayed at hospital for about 6 days at that time but nothing changed. Even my acoustician couldn't help me anymore, when she tried to adjust my hearing aid to this second hearing loss... 

After fixing my hearing aid, I still couldn't hear well. I felt as if something was wrong with my hearing aid. That was the point when I really had to deal again with this issue "Cochlear implant, yes or no"??!!

In April 2010, I visited my doctor at hospital and had a talk with him about a possible surgery and what he would do and discussed it all in detail. They made pre-tests and all looked good on my side to be implanted as nothing has changed and my hearing remained useless.

During that time, I tried to keep myself busy, used this experience to fuel my inspiration and I wrote like crazy for the past few months. I wrote poetry that dealt with that situation, the insecurity about the surgery, the fear (will all turn out okay, will I hear again, how will it sound) and so on. I literally drove myself crazy but that was one of the best times I've ever had. Don't get me wrong :) I didn't like that I had that hearing loss but I wrote some heartbreaking poetry that I surely don't want to miss. I didn't even know what I'd write in the following months to come... I had the urge to write it all down, my experience, I kept a diary and wrote intensely about it, I wrote poetry whenever inspiration stroke me - This time I'll definitely not forget. I hope that through the poetry I'll be able to share a bit of my world, my experience and give people the feeling that you're not alone with this. I went through that. I know what it's like to be scared, to doubt technology, to doubt myself if my brain can adjust to it and so on. I cannot guarantee that the implant will work for anyone the same way does for me, in terms of "making it a success with hearing". Everyone of us is different and so is our background history about hearing.

I could always hear on my left ear, so I had the memory of hearing, the sounds and how things should sound, so maybe that influenced it all and I love languages and rhymes. It don't know if this is why I do so well with my implant but I only speak from my own personal experience. So that's why you have to make yourself the choice because if (if... ) it should not turn out the way you expected it or if it should take much longer for you to hear, there's no one else except you to blame because you actually signed the paper. That's why they want you to be sure. That's why you should wait until you can't benefit from your   own hearing.. only then when you can't anymore then it's the right time to get the implant, or think about and make the decision that you think is the best for you - to hear or not to. Both decisions are good, as long as you feel comfortable with it. I personally prefer to hear as I don't want to miss the sounds but there are also moments when I'm quite lucky that I have the advantage over hearing people, that I can simply turn off my speech processor in crowded places and can still enjoy the silence if e.g. I have to write something. :) or if I want to sleep with an open window in summer :)

I think I'll stop here although it's really interesting now but you need time for a break to digest all the information you just read :)

More will come soon!
Your bionic PoetryGirl



  1. Thanks Sandra, I am grateful for your sharing your experience, I am sure it will help support a lot of people with hearing impairment. I really find the internet and all these blogs out there really help bring us all together, so even though some of us may be alone it helps link us together in our combined sharing. Its a great support for many people. Big love to you xxx and thanks again.

  2. Thank you Kelly!! There is definitely a lot more to tell. I just have to organize my thoughts before I go on :) I hope to help others this way, with this blog. Lots of love to you too!


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