It's a miracle that I can hear

Hello!!

It's time to give you an update. A few days ago I tried to listen to music using this cable that I had in my big white CI suitcase. I didn't have the time to try it out earlier or maybe I just wasn't ready to try it out so today, it's already THREE months since I've had my surgery... (not one month, I didn't notice the typo before).. So today I wanted to give it a try. :)

I’m simply amazed how well I hear and understand. I’m listening to some of Anastacia’s songs and her voice sounds the same as last year when I could hear her with my hearing aid. This is a miracle. This electrode inside my ear gives my hearing nerves the stimulation and somehow my brain can use this electrical stimulation to make my brain understand what I hear. Wow this is beyond my understanding. Wow I was so suspicious and full of doubt that I could never hear music again. I was prepared to fully detest it but now, see where I am now. I can hear and enjoy it. :) I hope I can inspire many more people to go for the surgery. Of course it has to be their decision but things do get better. You have to take it as an opportunity, be open and just have fun with all the new sounds. I was listening a lot to music even before my hearing loss, and maybe this helped me I don’t know. I have no idea what influenced my brain to use all this information and make me understand what I hear. The CI gives me back my life quality. It was definitely the right decision. I don’t regret it and I don’t regret that I didn’t go for it earlier. It was just meant to happen this year.

This year I was the year for me. 2010 was MY YEAR :)

Talk at university | Poetry reading

Finally, finally this post.... I've been procraastinating with writing this .... not because I didn't want to.. I did other things instead.. so here's the post!!

I have good things to share! Last Friday my speech therapist at hospital sent me an email asking how I'm doing and he knows that I'm writing poetry. He asked me if I want to give a talk in front of his students and talk about what it's like to have a CI, the challenges and how it affected my life. He said I can also read a few poems if I want :))) Wow!! Awesome!! That totally made my day when I read his email. His lessons start Monday (tomorrow) and the next one, next month and so on. I want to come tomorrow but it's bad timing as I'm working and I don't want to have to excuse myself so I'll wait until November. Besides I'm not even prepared :P Omg, what am I going to say aaaaa, :) I haven't thought that ... I'm bit scared... phew... reciting some of my poems about my ear .. in front of a group of students. :O I hope they will be nice to me haha! What I fear most is when they start asking questions and I don't hear them. Okay I do hear good but what if I can't hear them :O (-.-) lol. I know it's ridiculous as I actually do hear good. We'll see! It's exciting nonetheless!! I look forward to November.

I'm not sure if this will take place at university or at school near the hospital area. I have to ask so I know. Wow that will be the first time that I have a talk and recite a few poems. I have the feeling that this will be the beginning.. it's kind of exciting. I used to get very nervous when I had to give a speech. I remember... uh .. :) and usually got red in my face, just from being nervous, phew.. but that was a long time ago. I think I've changed and this time it won't be like this.

Who wants to come there next Month?? :P

I cannot say any bad things about the CI, okay I did have pain and it was a tough decision but definitely not a wrong one. I needed the time to make this decision and I've led this battle for so long. In the end things turned out great. Hey I can even listen to music again. It didn't take me long to hear and enjoy it again :)))

Okay, as much as I'd love to go on and write I have to stop. It's almost 11.30 PM and it's time to go to bed!! I have to get up early tomorrow and go to work.

My processor is acting weird

Hello!!! It's time for another blog. I've been a bit lazy... and tired too but not from writing. I just feel tired in the evenings. Where do I begin????

I'll begin with this beeping that I hear... "beep, beep, beeeeeeeeep" than it stops, what the fuck???? Why do I hear that??? This doesn't sound like a tinnitus, .. or some sort of electrical tinnitus? does that even exist?? no way... seems like my processor is acting weird sometimes... hm....

It could be because I forgot to switch back my processor to the default setting, it is on "t" which is for phone calls .. I don't know how to explain it but I have a remote controller where I can switch between the two programs and I forgot to switch it back after work and I left my remote controller in the office so... hm, when I hear with this program, it seems that my processor is very sensitive to electromagnetical things, or... hm e.g. when I walk past a bank and come close to the door my hearing aid makes a strange sound => noise not sound, it makes a strange noise, I don't know or when I put my hear close to my keyboard on my computer => woah it's loud!!

And yes that side where I have the implant feels really gross, uncomfortable and sometimes itchy (O_o) (-.-) I didn't go and visit a doctor because I don't think it's necessary... it's just this feeling that I have as I have the processor on my hear, my glasses and all this is just too much for my ear. Maybe I should start and wear my contact lenses again, hm...

I'm sorry for my last post | I'm okay :)

Hi there,
I'm sorry for being a b!tch in my last post ... I'm fine really. I distracted that thought and I'm okay. It was just one of these days where I had bad sleep, tinnitus at night and all this and even before that I felt awful... but okay. The good think is I wrote poem last night at 2 AM wow =) yeah at least this helped me to fall asleep again. So once I finished it I was tired and the funny thing is, the last few sentences from my journal that I wrote, before I doze off I couldn't even decipher anymore... This morning I was like "what did I write there??" I couldn't read it anymore...


Anyway, I'm glad I do have my friends those in my town, far away and my online friends =) I love you all. I'm sorry for this negativity and for making some of you guilty. I know that I did that, I can feel and see it - I AM SORRY!!!!! Let's forget all this! Forgive and forget right? =)
So, I'll go back to my photo book. I have the idea of creating a photo book with pictures and text so I can remember my CI surgery and the things. It's not that I have to but why developing pictures when I can do that here ;) It's more fun!!! So that's what I'll be doing this week and hopefully I can finish it by Saturday so that I can place the order. This book will be for private use only, so I can read it and put it in my shelf where all the other pictures are and the photo albums :)



And I have a lot more things to do.... I need to rewrite my poems into my other collegue notepad that I have, which I started a year ago... why? Just because I want to. I want to keep the poems all in one place and have one "back-up" handwritten just in case. It's good! If all the poems get lost, God grief I'd be VERY UPSET!!!!! So let's not even think about it. I must prepare for it. So make sure you make back-up files of anything that is very important to you :) I'll have to do that too and back up my poems, journals and pictures.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I felt like writing :))

Update on my CI surgery

I owe you an update I know. I'm sorry. I've been writing a lot at hospital. My journal is very, very interesting at the moment and very much in detail and stretches out on a couple of pages (and that on my computer) cool eh? :))


Check out my videos on YT to stay in touch on me. I haven't been able to keep a blog but I'll be back when I have regular internet access so that I can devote my time to write here. All is going well but I will need another sugery.

My implant doesn't lay properly inside my cochlear so well there were some complications. I won't go further into detail but I need another surgery to fix that. Tomorrow I'm set for the second one... I already got my processor and can hear that is so awesome but still it sounds freaky :) not what it used to... and when I blow a whistle omg... it sounds like one of those dog pipes that you use to call your dog. awful :) ...

Holy cow :) where do I begin???

I'm back home but just for a few hours. Check out my videos on youtube to hear my updates. I have more videos to come but will upload them later when I recover :))) My surgery went okay. I had it in the morning at 8 AM, I had no pain at all, wow I was suprised but in a shock that all was so quickly over I had to cry. The surgery lated for about two hours but I was sleeping for another hour before I woke up.

I'll write more about it later. I don't have much time .. damn it :) but I'll be back soon!

I'll write you soon! Check out my new videos on youtube :)

two more nights and then .... ugh

Wow!!!!!!!!! .... !!!!!!!! excitement??? yeah .... fear???? yes .... I don't know where to begin or what to write... so many things are going on in my head at this moment...
So.. I'll just copy and past what I wrote somewhere on fb...


I almost forgot that I told the staff at hospital to order it in brown color ... all this seems so unreal right now. I guess I'll believe it when I'm there =) and it doesn't really matter NOW but in 3-4 weeks after the surgery... when I'll get this thing. I'll be a cyborg in a few days *lol* I just gotta love it as I s...o love computers :P and I didn't even go to church today because we went swimming this morning, so I'm bit nervous *lol* why ah well, I feel saver when I go there and say my prayer, but tomorrow is another day where I can pray :) .... during the day I feel good but when the night comes and I'm in bed, when I close my eyes aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagrr =) then I see some very intersting pictures :P that's why I don't even want to go to bed (joke) :) what if it doesn't work? I only have this one ear where I used to hear so what if??? (-.-) That's why I was procrastinating with that surgery for a long time. If I had two functional ears I would have said yes immediately. It's like someone who has only one eye needs a surgery on that eye ... hm... I know it will go well but I don't know it feels so " I can't believe it" :)